Ambiguity in Simplest Form
by Leelhiette
Summary: AU – Light was given a second chance. But not in the way he expected. Because in this world, the person he wanted forgiveness from the most, hated him the most.


**AN**: Hello readers! This is my third Death Note fic (though, the other two were written in a different account) and I know the idea of Light being given a second chance is already used too many times already. But I gave it a twist this time instead. Don't worry, the Death Note and Shinigamis _still_ exist in this story, but not so early on. And things aren't the way they are - not just because of random appearances.

* * *

**Chapter I**

.

.

The floating sensation continued.

It really felt like _nothing_ at all. It was equally absurd and tranquilizing. But then, this was what he had signed up for, wasn't it? In the end, he had been the fallen God, trapped into this nothingness just as the mighty had gone down, and his ideal kingdom had collapsed into oblivion.

This absolute void was mind-numbing and too dull. Everything was the same blend of emptiness. He couldn't even tell if anything had changed at all.

He hated this place. Not because of the tedious routine of repetitive darkness.

But because he had nothing, _absolutely_ nothing to do aside from letting his mind wander, it went to things that he'd rather not reflect about. It would wander to his family – how he had easily crushed it by ending his father's life and the remorse would stir as he knew how it had been by his own doing. How he had deceived those people who had genuinely believed in him and had easily treated killing as some mundane task as easily as breathing.

That had been the problem, hadn't it? Killing had become _too easy_ for him.

This was why he hated this place. It forced him to contemplate and _doubt_ things he normally wouldn't chance upon. There were a lot of things he could have done instead, _right_ things that might have benefited everyone instead of just ending lives when he had deemed it necessary.

But then again, he had nothing to do but think here. All he had was his mind. He didn't even know if he had any corporeal form anymore.

It would be quite a while before he finally acknowledged the guilt that he had been harbouring. Partly to the people he had left behind but most of all to the only person he would ever think as his equal, as his _friend_. He never thought it possible to feel so much grief and pain and overwhelming guilt at the expense of one person.

Yet again, he had never let himself get attach before, emotionally at least. Because emotions were only hindrances to everything and he had never seen any use for them. So it had been quite ironic when he held on to these with the desperation of a drowning man just so he would have a firm hold of his mind. Just so he wouldn't lose himself into this void.

_L Lawliet_… Ryuuzaki.

Of course, he had read the last two names in Rem's notebook – Quillish Wammy and L Lawliet.

And he also held on to those.

Just for the reason that he could repent to himself how those didn't deserve to die. Sometimes, he would recall his life when he had visited Ryuuzaki's grave just simply because he missed his friend. Even if he hadn't been able to admit it when he had been alive. He would then recall the familiar urge the scratch the name out of the gravestone because that wasn't his name – _Ryuuzaki Rue _– and the feeling of tremendous anger because he knew that no one aside from him and a select people would remember the person who possessed the most brilliant mind that could challenge Kira to the very end.

His anger at Near for ending Kira had died a long death so long ago in this void – especially as he realized what he had become all along. But the bitterness still stayed as the taste of defeat left a certain dryness in his mouth.

But the thing that really woke him up from his delusions of self-grandeur had been finding out that even if Kira existed or not, the cycle of crimes and wrongdoings never ceased. After all, as Kira, he still had people he killed and it would only rise at his death.

When his mind finished lamenting the life he had technically wasted, he would then recall the last moments of his life.

L had been there. Instead of triumphant, the detective had appeared too sad. As if he had known all along what his fate would be by the very end. He had wanted to say many things, admit numerous issues, or _to ask for forgiveness_ but his breath hadn't lasted that longer. And in the end, all he had was his memory of a sad young man who had accompanied him until he took his last breath.

Yagami Light.

That's who he had been. And sometimes, he wished that things had been different.

He smiled as he accepted this fate. This void of nothingness that slowly consumed him day by day. And Light fully knew that he deserved every second of it. He felt a tear slide down his cheek but it would have to be his imagination. He didn't have any corporeal form to feel such a thing.

But then, another tear followed.

He opened his eyes – something that he should _not_ be able to do – and saw the consuming white light that had taken over the void.

And for the first time, Light finally felt at peace.

.

.

.

The incessant ringing was making his ears vibrate uncomfortably.

He groaned as he shifted to his left side and decided to ignore the sound in favor of burying himself in the warmth of his blankets and sleep. A couple of minutes passed before his groggy thoughts came to a screeching halt. His eyes snapped open in alarm and took in his surroundings all at once.

Everything seemed to hold a certain familiarity – the large window by his balcony, the bookshelves, his computer, the recognizable softness of his mattress and warmth of his thick comforter.

Yet, he didn't comprehend them all at once.

He remembered the inky blackness, the emptiness of the void where he had resided. And as his hands brushed against the velvety material of his bed sheets, he felt very foreign. A bigger part of him felt very out of place. But as he sat up, the faint recollection started to bleed into his senses. This was his room. He remembered with sudden clarity as he stood up and traced the edges of the bookshelves, felt the smoothness of his table, and stroke the screen of his computer with loving awareness.

But then, his eyes strayed to the calendar and saw the date. His brain was in overdrive as he tried to recall if there was something significant about this day.

His eyes widened as his mouth dropped open. Today was at least two days after he had supposedly acquired the Death Note. He whirled around the room and _looked_ and saw the unmistakable presence of his pressed _high school _uniform in a hanger by his closet. Were the deities mocking him? Time-travel was impossible in so many levels, violating the fabrication of reality itself. But then, the notebook would come to the forefront of his mind and would prompt him to accept that supernatural phenomena were not entirely unachievable.

Light collapsed at the edge of his bed, breaths coming out raggedly. Was he being given a second chance? He might have constituted this as the work of his imagination but things felt _too real_ and too genuine for it to be a mere figment of his overactive mind.

But the reality that he was not in that empty void came crashing down as his fingers almost delicately traced the sharp and gentle contours of his face.

This was real, it wasn't just a dream. _He_ was real.

The only thing that seemingly broke up his reunion with reality was the thing that destroyed him from the beginning. _Death Note_. His eyes frantically roved the entirety of his room but there was no sign of a familiar black notebook.

Feeling panic seize his veins, Light searched the whole area with obsessive single-mindedness. He needed to stop things from taking root of what could be considered as the ultimate downfall of his existence. It wasn't in its customary place inside of his bag, not even in the drawer or the bookshelves, or under the bed or _anywhere_.

He released a rattling breath and smiled.

The notebook wasn't anywhere near him and it meant that he wasn't the owner. Light felt like laughing in genuine contentment.

A knock on his door ceased his current thoughts.

"Hey, onii-chan! Breakfast is ready!"

Light's head snapped up to the direction of the voice and instantly recognized the cheerful and giddy voice of his little sister – _Sayu_. His mouth moved several times in order to formulate a reply but nothing came up as his throat clamped painfully. The last time he had seen her – she had been traumatized by the kidnapping to even look at him.

The door opened as his sister poked her head in.

"Light, didn't you hear–"

She gaped as she eyed the large mess that he had made out of his room in his desperate search for the Death Note.

Despite it all, he smiled at her. And it felt genuine than those times that he did before.

"What in the world–! Onii-chan, your room!" She gave a cry of surprise as her eyes widened at the normally immaculate haven of her older brother. Light wondered if all people thought he had been that vain enough. Because _L_ certainly thought so too.

"Don't worry about it. I was just looking for… my homework sheets. I guessed I forgot that I left it in school." He fumbled with his words, trying to appear embarrassed. Even though a larger part of him cringed at how the lie had so easily slipped out of his mouth. Wasn't this one of the reasons why it had been so easy to be _Kira_?

His sister looked unsure at first before she giggled with an exasperated glint in her eyes.

"Alright, alright, but you better be down for breakfast or we'll be late!" Sayu gave him an exaggerated wink as she skipped down the stairs, her joyful voice resonating within the large house.

Light sighed as he eyed the disarray that he had caused.

Considering that there had been no Death Note or any of its pages in sight, it had been worth it.

It had to be.

.

.

.

Light never remembered enjoying breakfast with his mother and sister to be that pleasant.

He also couldn't recall ever smiling and interacting so openly with his family so much like he did at that moment. But then again, it might have been fuelled with his grief and inner monologue of asking for their forgiveness all over again. Especially from his father who hadn't been present that morning.

The dull atmosphere resulting from boredom that he had feared from before had been noticeably absent. Light realized that it was due to how he had let himself go with the flow as things took place within their household – something he hadn't done since he considered it to be nothing but a distraction from before. But he knew better now. At least, that was what he told himself.

After all, this was certainly better than the repetitive oblivion that he had just gone back from.

The trip to school was quiet and peaceful and Light basked in the simplicity which he hadn't appreciated previously.

If he had just known early on how these little things were taken for granted, he would have valued them more than he ever did. He still shuddered every time he was reminded of that empty void and the sheer struggle in the nothingness. It was the most frightening thing that he had ever encountered.

Entering the school gates, Light felt more than saw how things were still a constant in this place. Students still greeted him with smiles and eyes still strayed to him from time to time.

And of course, he was still Yagami Light – the straight A student and resident genius.

But unlike what he thought, things weren't the way he remembered them, the way he _knew_ them, as a girl accidentally bumped into him on his way to his classroom. He might have been distracted more than he thought until he saw the person who had collided with him.

Wide, soft brown eyes stared up at him and his world froze.

Amane Misa stared up at him uncertainly, a faint blush dusting her cheeks, before she lowered her head and hastily walked around him. It wasn't really that she ignored him that shocked Light – her hair was still in pigtails, she still wore those accessories with crosses on them, but she was dressed in a high school uniform – his school – and was clearly attending.

His wide eyes followed her rapidly retreating form as he anxiously wracked his memory if she ever attended his school.

But he _knew_ that she hadn't or else, he would at least recall her from the dozens of faces that he encountered in high school. Even if insignificant to him at that time.

It only meant one thing. This world had to be a _lie_.

.

.

.

But it wasn't a lie, no matter how much he convinced himself. Things were too real. And his agitation hadn't died down as he realized that he shared the same class with Misa. In fact, she sat two rows behind him with a vacant seat to her right. She looked severely nervous for some reason as her gaze flickered to the door too many times than he cared to count. Her eyes would also stray to the empty place beside her before it would go back to the doorway.

Light deduced that she was waiting for someone. And she was quite anxious too as the ringing of the bell signalled the start of classes.

His back was tense and he couldn't quite hide the strain in his actions as he hypothesized the implication of this.

Misa wasn't supposed to be attending the same school as him because she had her – modelling career to take care of and needed to be away from fanatical teens. Which hadn't been apparently the case here. Maybe… he hadn't travelled back in time as he had originally thought?

The teacher droned on as the lesson started but Light couldn't help but notice that Misa still had yet to stop fidgeting in her seat.

He might have contemplated deeper into his current situation if it wasn't for the door opening with a loud bang. Light jumped in surprise and, together with everyone else, looked to the doorway just to see a male student enter the room blithely as if he could care less.

His mouth dropped open as the teenager… _slouched_ but not quite into the room with visible laziness coloring his actions.

But Light would like to think that he would never forget that pale countenance, the wide obsidian eyes and the dark bags underneath them, or that mess of raven black hair. Sure, the man – or _teen_? – looked younger and certainly healthier but he was still the same. _L_ was still the same.

Before he could stop himself, Light's mouth opened.

"_Ryuuzaki_!"

Only, it hadn't been him who spoke and Light stared over his shoulder to see Misa standing with a relieved look on her face.

That was when Light decided that this wasn't a second chance.

This was a _punishment_.

.

.

* * *

Please leave a review on your way out!


End file.
